Who do you want to be when you grow up?

When we´re kids, the classic question is always: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It was a question that got me daydreaming about all kinds of jobs. I think my favourite out of a long list of daydreams was a veterinarian (even though I am afraid of blood and my love was mostly within the dog category, so I am not entirely sure how that would have worked out)!

Even though this is a question we most often hear as kids, I find that my clients are increasingly asking this question in their 20s, 30s and 40s. So it got me wondering - how this simple question may have shaped our thinking and how it can actually limit us in unexpected ways when we are ´grown up´. What if we asked: "Who do I want to be" instead?

Whether you are trying to find more purpose and fulfilment in your current job or considering switching careers for one that aligns more with who you are, this simple change of question can help.

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The Problem With What

When we ask the question" What do you want to be?", it narrows our thinking to a job title. Often we decided what we want to be because we saw someone else having done this job, maybe on tv, in a book, and other family members etc. Often there is already a pre-defined idea of how this job should be done, and importantly what success looks like in that job. This can be limiting because success is often defined in a narrow way - skills, tasks, and salary. Looking at role models plays an important part for inspiring us, but often unaware, we go into these roles trying to re-enact what we had seen - how someone else did it, what their success looked like. Before we know it, we are starting to measure how we are doing at work by these success criteria that others have used. So when you focus too much on the what, you can fall into the trap of living someone else´s idea of success instead of doing something that reflects who you are and what really defines your success. This is where it can leave us feeling either inadequate or empty even when we have achieved the goals we once strived for.

The Power of Who

Now, imagine asking yourself instead: “Who do I want to be?”

Just pause and notice how the question opens up an entirely different conversation with yourself. It encourages you to look beyond external achievements and dive into the deeper values that drive you. It invites you to think about the type of person you want to be in your career and life, not just the role you want to fill.

When we are asked: "Who do I want to be?" it´s also much more encompassing, where it allows space for our values, emotions and personality - all the different ways that make each of us unique. This means we are able to tap into our values and identity and make decisions in a way that is right for each of us. These also become a deeper internal motivator that gets us through the ups and downs.

Using The Power Of Who To Reconnect With Your Work

Ask who do I want to be in my role?

With work being a huge part of our day, it´s understandable that we want to feel that our days are well spent. When we robotically tick off tasks and to dos, it can sometimes feel like we are robots, just doing and doing. By asking: "Who do I want to be in my role?", we change our focus from tasks to traits. For example, if you want to be someone who solves problems, innovates or is supportive of teammates. This reframing lets us approach our work with purpose, as we now see each task as an opportunity to embody these qualities.

This is also a great way to ground yourself in your own personal growth journey, especially if your company is going through a lot of changes and uncertainty. Focusing on what you can control in these situations helps you stay more resilient and confident through uncertain times.

Ask who do I want to be outside of work

Who we are also happens outside of work. By asking who do we want to be outside of work gives you a fuller picture of what´s important to you and gives you more motivation to the things you do commit to doing.

Considering the person we want to be outside of work—whether that’s a supportive partner, or a dedicated parent—can guide how we approach our work-life balance and professional choices. When our work is aligned with the person we want to be outside of work, it feels less like a separate duty and more like a part of who we are.

Using the power of "who" reframes work as a journey toward becoming the person we want to be, creating a stronger, more personal connection to each task and interaction. This mindset lets you see work as part of your identity and purpose, not just something you do, leaving us with a sense of fulfilment and meaning every day.

Using The Power Of Who If You Are Considering A Career Change

One of the most common advice we get when thinking about a career change is to follow your passion - do what you are passionate about. I think passion is good, you need passion because change comes with excitement but also challenges - and you will need passion to help you stay the course. But often the part that many don´t consider is who do you want to be, which is an equally important part of the process.

For example: someone might change career to pursue their passion for photography and leave their stable 9-5 job. Though they love the creative work, they later find themselves struggling with the realities of running a business – dealing with clients, finances, and marketing.

They wanted to be a photographer without considering who they wanted to be. What if in this example they had asked who do I want to be? The answer maybe have been I want to be someone who values personal growth, resilience, persistence and learning.

This simple shift in mindset might have allowed them to plan better for the new role´s challenges. By focusing only on the what, we create a skewed view of what a "dream job" will be like and overly emphasise on the exciting bits we are passionate about, as opposed to a balanced picture of what the new role will entail. It´s easy to take the glamourised version of what certain roles are like and not be prepared for the more challenging and perhaps less glamourous aspects.

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So Who Do You Want To Be?

By now, you may be asking yourself: Who do I really want to be? If you want to create your version of success in your life and career, try starting with this question. Take time to reflect on the values and qualities that are most important to you. From there you can make decisions and choices that are not just about climbing the ladder or looks good from the outside, but about becoming the person you want to be and feeling good on the inside as you are doing it.

The idea isn´t so much that tasks aren´t important or that we shouldn´t refer to specific jobs anymore. It´s more that when we think about who we want to be, we can integrate our values into what we do. This way although we have defined job roles like manager, consultant or entrepreneur, we allow space for us to bring our unique ways of approaching the role. It means we do our jobs in a way feels meaningful to us and less like robots performing repetitive tasks. Not only will this help us feel more fulfilled but more likely to succeed with our external goals as they are connected to our deeper who.